Thursday, March 24, 2011

What is today?

The milk carton in the fridge says March 24. I've been looking at it for a few days and wondering why March 24 gave me that feeling. You know the one: there's something I'm supposed to remember about March 24. March 24. What is it about March 24? Today, I was running it around my head again. What is it about today? Finally I remembered. March 24 was Isaac's due date. I was sad that I didn't remember that detail about something so important. I find it upsetting because I've always wanted to remember everything I could about Isaac, and to know that it wasn't the first thing on my mind worries me. I know there are other things taking my attention these days, but I still want hold on to the small things about my experience with Isaac.

I read Stacy Delisle's post about her Isaac and Eliana. I've thought so much about how we'll be able to keep Isaac a part of our lives and teach Nathaniel about his brother when his life was short. Her post was encouraging. It is possible that Nathaniel will understand he's a little brother. My only struggle now is being able to talk with him about it. Any time I've tried, I've been close to tears. It's nearly impossible to speak over the lump in my throat. I hope I'll be able to do what Stacy has done and help Nathaniel know how important his brother was and still is to us, even if I don't always remember all the tiny details.

1 comment:

Sarah said...

Hi Whitney,

I am a babylost mom in Colorado. My son Noah passed away when he was 4 days old from a genetic disorder. I just had a second child in October, another boy, and struggle with the same things as you. I also get caught up in life and forget important Noah things, as well as the struggle with raising my new son to know that he is someone's little brother.

I made him a book on Shutterfly that is loaded with Noah pictures and tells his brother's story. Sometimes I can read the words, and sometimes, I just let him look at Noah's pictures. He is fascinated with baby faces at the moment, so he might as well be looking at his brother!

I blog too. I have one for my grief, and one for my new son:

A friend happened upon your blog and passed it to me knowing I'd be interested since it has been so helpful to meet other moms going through the same thing. Glad to meet you!