Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Isaac and Nathaniel

During our time at home this Christmas, we took Nathaniel to visit Isaac's grave for the first time. CJay and I don't go to his grave often when we're in Tennessee. It's a long drive, but mostly, we don't need to go. I wanted to take Nathaniel, especially because as he's gets older, CJay and I will talk more about Isaac and his brief time on this earth. It was, surprisingly, an overwhelming experience. I hadn't given much thought to how I would feel, but seeing Nathaniel touching Isaac's headstone, standing where his brother lies, "meeting" him for the first time was, well, painful.

Nathaniel has healed us. Not completely. That's not possible. But he's given CJay and me a reason to smile and laugh. All the things Isaac should have given us, could have given us, if he only would have had the chance. 

I don't claim to know much about Taoism or Chinese philosophy*, but I've read about yin and yang and what it represents. Isaac and Nathaniel are like our yin and yang: complementary opposites. No, not good and evil, but forces that wouldn't exist without the other. I've always believed that Nathaniel would not be here without Isaac. Isaac's death taught us about Nathaniel's life. Long before CJay and I knew Nathaniel. Long before we even considered another child. Isaac taught us how to cherish life. If Isaac hadn't died, Nathaniel wouldn't have been created. Maybe I sound crazy, but my children are connected just like other siblings. The only difference is that we have to leave our heart and soul open to see the connection. 

What I usually feel when I stand over my son's grave is regret and anger. I feel the need to apologize. As if I let him down. What I felt standing next to Nathaniel as he touched Isaac's grave was gratitude and a renewed promise to do my best for both my sons. It's the only way I know how to continue Isaac's legacy, to make his life mean something more. 

* No, I'm not converting to another religion; yin and yang is a fascinating concept. 

Friday, December 23, 2011


Nathaniel stays at an in-home day care near our house. His sitter is wonderful and planned crafts for the month of December and a party with a visit from Santa. Nathaniel did great with Santa. I was sure he would be scared and cry, but he didn't mind at all. We couldn't get him to smile for the camera, but I was just happy he wasn't screaming! 

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

CJay says the darndest things: Take 2

CJay has a way with words; I have a great memory. What a perfect combination! I have no disclaimer this time because well, he doesn't know I'm posting these. Like last time, I'm sure he'll ask in disbelief, "Did I really say that stuff?" Yes, dear. You did.

Don't rush me. It's important that my avatar is accurate.

Oh, like having a baby is such a big deal. 

Look at all those gray hairs! 

Your cookies are pretty good, but they could be better.

No, I do like this. I'm just stunned by how delicious it is. 

I stepped in dog poop again. Why do bad things keep happening to me?

I have to do everything around here!

How did you even pass kindergarten?

Aren't you supposed to be my secretary?

And my personal favorite:

We should rent our son out to single men. 

Monday, November 28, 2011

You've come a long way, baby!

One year ago today, Nathaniel came into this world. What a year it's been! He's walking, talking, and becoming a little person. It's exciting and a little scary. We've had so much fun this year getting to know this amazing little guy. What a joy and a gift he's been to all of us, and I know I speak for all of the family when I say I can't wait to see what this next year brings!

November 28, 2010
Always smiling! 

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Bad Blogger

Yes, I've been a bad blogger. I'm not sure how so many months have passed since I updated the blog. I'd like to blame it on my classes. Now that I have a break, I'm going to keep this blog up to date. Well, I'm going to try my best. :) Nathaniel has been walking since he turned 10 months. He moves fast now. Too fast. His vocabulary is growing. My favorite word is "nigh nigh". I love the way he smiles up at me when I put him in bed and he says "nigh nigh." It's so sweet! He's such an affectionate kid. He hugs and kisses us all the time. Even with a snotty nose, a kiss from that boy will melt your heart. No matter what kind of day I've had, coming home to Nathaniel always makes me happy. I'm so happy to have him around.

He loves bath time. 
Great Grandpa, Uncle Devin, and Nathaniel
A trip up the mountain to get fresh apples.

Playing with his John Deere. 
Saturday afternoon in the pool. 

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Nathaniel at 6 Months

Nathaniel turned 6 months old on May 28. It's amazing how much a baby changes in just 6 short months! He has his first tooth. He eats solid food. He's crawling. He's sitting. He's smiling and laughing. He's such a social person too. He loves when new people acknowledge him. He's incredibly laid back about almost everything, yet he seems to have his opinions. He loves our animals. When he does fuss, which is rare, I'll have Cocoa come over and wag her tail. Nathaniel will become so fascinated that he forgets that he was mad about something. He's drinking from a cup already and squeals for carrots! He's trying to pull up too. We tote him everywhere and he rarely complains. Everyone comments about how happy he is and most people ask if he's always like that. Yes, he's almost always happy and smiling. He wakes up smiling in the morning and coos himself to sleep in the evening. He is so much fun to have around!

Here are the stats from his 6-month check up:

Weight: 18 lbs 10 oz (73%)
Height: 26.1 inches (45%)
Head Circumference: 16.9 inches (33%)

First day of life

1 Month

2 Months

3 Months

4 Months

5 Months

6 Months

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Mother's Day

I've been a mother for three Mother's Days. Three. This was the first Mother's Day that I've had the privilege to celebrate with a child. It's so much better that way. It doesn't change the fact that I missed Isaac, but I'm so grateful for Nathaniel.

It's true that anything your child makes for you is the most wonderful thing you've ever seen. Funny how that works.

Thanks to Vicky for helping Nathaniel make his first Mother's Day presents. I love them!